Dangers of Sun Exposure  Return to Top

Being outside on a warm, sunny day is one of life's great pleasures for children, but studies suggest that childhood sunburns are linked to adult skin cancer (the majority of most people's sun exposure occurs before age twenty). Even one or two blistering sunburns during childhood may double the risk of melanoma later in life. Here's how to protect your children from the sun's harmful effects:

Always Use Sunscreen

 A sunscreen with sun protection factor (SPF) of at least 15 blocks most harmful UV radiation.

 Apply sunscreen liberally before your children go outside, and reapply every two hours if they have been perspiring or swimming. Even waterproof sunscreens can come off when a child towels off sweat or water.

 Children under two years of age should not be exposed to direct sun for long periods of time and should never have sunscreen applied to their skin. Instead, dress them in clothing that shields them from the sun.

 Tip: When you call sunscreen "sun goo," chances are you'll have an easier time convincing your child to use it.

Use Protective Eyewear for Children

 Sunglasses that provide 99% to 100% UVB protection will greatly reduce sun exposure that can lead to cataracts and other eye damage.

 Get Some Shade with Sun Hats

 A hat with a wide brim offers good sun protection to children's eyes, ears, face, and the back of their necks -- areas particularly prone to overexposure to the sun.

 Cover Up! Wearing long-sleeved shirts and pants during prolonged periods in the sun will protect your children from overexposure. In the warm months, lightweight, loose-fitting clothes are best. If it's too warm to wear long sleeves, encourage your children to play in the shade.

 Avoid the Midday Sun

The sun's UV rays are strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. To the extent you can, limit your outside activities during these hours.

 Watch for the UV Index

The UV Index, developed by the National Weather Service and the Environmental Protection Agency, indicates the degree of caution you should take when working, playing, or exercising outdoors, based on a forecast of the expected risk of overexposure to the sun. The UV Index predicts exposure levels on a 0 to 10+ scale, where 0 indicates a low risk of overexposure, and 10+ means a very high risk of overexposure. Calculated on a next-day basis for dozens of cities across the U.S. by the National Weather Service, the UV Index takes into account clouds and other local conditions that affect the amount of UV radiation reaching the ground in different parts of the country. Check the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's UV index map, updated daily.

Adapted from an article by the United States Environmental Protection Agency's Stratospheric Protection Division.

Checklist for Family Child Care Homes

It you need to find care for your child, one possibility is a family child care home. This type of care is generally provided in a private home, often times by the parent of a small child or two. A family child care home may offer a more relaxed, home-like style of care than a center, with more flexible schedule and a less formal relationship with parents.

Family child care providers are much more than babysitters. They should provide all the safety, warmth, and learning opportunities as a child care center but do it in a home environment. Check your state's regulations to find the number of children that can be cared for in a family child care home. In Massachusetts, a provider may have up to 6, 8 or 10 children depending on the type of license they hold. There are additional regulations a provider with a license of over 6 must adhere to. Talk to your R&R family specialist for specific information.

When choosing a family child care home, it is important to find a setting with which you are comfortable. The provider should share your attitudes and values about children. Plan to visit the home to talk and observe them with the children.

To find a family child care home: contact the licensing bureau for child care in your state for a list of licensed providers in your area; look through newspaper ads; talk to family, friends, or neighbors. Select a home that is licensed or registered. Here's what you should be looking for:

Practical Considerations:

1. Name/and address/phone number of home

2. Hour’s provider is open

3. Fees charged

4. Ages of children cared for

5. Care of sick children?

6. Location easy to reach?

For the following items, use a rating of:

 0          Can't tell

 1          No, not in the home

 2          Somewhat

 3          Yes, in the home

Physical Facility/Health, Safety

q              The home is reasonably clean and orderly.

q              No children are seen with soiled diapers or training pants.

q              Detergents, cleaners, and medicines are in a locked cabinet.

q              Electrical outlets are covered with safety caps.

q              Household items like knives, scissors, curling irons are stored out of reach of children.

q              Toys and equipment are in good repair with no sharp edges, splinters, or loose parts.

q              There is a quiet area that can be darkened for naps with clean bedding for each child.

q              The toileting area is easy for the children to get to with potty chairs, safe steps, or whatever is needed.

q              There is an area of the home where children can play out of the way of other family members.

q              There is a fenced, outdoor play area in which the caregiver can see all areas of the yard easily.

q              The home is warm, cheerful, and inviting.

  Copyright Child Care Circuit 2004

10 Things To Do With Your Family This Weekend Return to Top

Why not plan a treasure hunt, teach them a game, or go on a field trip? For more inspiring ideas, read on.

1. Rock on.

Secure your picnic tablecloth with these colorful weights. To make, wash and dry rocks and cover each with a coat of decoupage glue, like Mod Podge. Before the glue dries, decorate the rocks using colored or patterned papers cut in a variety of shapes. To finish, paint a second coat of glue over the rock and let dry.

 2. Visit a fire station.

Most local stations will arrange tours for kids. This is an exciting field trip for preschoolers (especially those who love playing with toy trucks) and school-age children alike. They'll love checking out the different fire trucks and meeting real live firefighters.

 3. Collect leaves.

Children old enough to handle a crayon can make angel faces. Lay a leaf on paper and rub outward with side of crayon, creating a silhouette and making different halo and hairdo effects. Remove the leaf and draw in a chin, a face, and an outline for the hair.

 4. Make sunflowers.

Slice Styrofoam balls of varying sizes in half. Using Aleene's Original Tacky Glue, cover the rounded side of each half with sunflower seeds. Cut petals from yellow tissue paper, and attach them to the flat side of the Styrofoam with glue. Finish by covering the back side with a circle cut from yellow paper. Attach a ribbon and tie to the branch of a tree.

 5. Root, Root, Root for the home team.

You don't have to have season tickets to get into local sporting events such as a minor-league baseball game or a town swim meet.

 6. Have a four-square tournament.

You'll need four players and a large rubber ball. Draw a 12" x 12" square on your driveway. Divide into four squares, A, B, C, and D. One player stands in each square. The player in A starts by bouncing the ball in his square, then batting it with open hands into another square. That player must hit the ball into another square. When one player misses or hits the ball out of bounds, he moves to D, the players behind him advance, and you begin again.

 7. Play capture the flag.

You'll need six or more people and two pieces of fabric of different colors, cut into flags (one for each player). Using flour for the outline, divide your yard into two adjoining courts about 12" x 12" each.

Divide into two teams; each person places a flag on the back line of his court. Starting from their flag line, players dash to the opposite side of the field and try to pick up a flag from the other team. If a player is tagged, he's out and must stand behind the opposing team's line of flags. If he captures a flag, he's safe and can return to his court. The team that captures all of the opposing side's flags first wins.

 8. Eat out (way out).

Choose an exotic cuisine that your children haven't tried, such as Thai or Portuguese. Find the country on a globe or a map, and read a short encyclopedia or Internet introduction to that nation's culture. Go to the restaurant early, before the evening rush begins, so your kids can really take in the atmosphere.

 9. Volunteer.

There are plenty of ways for youngsters to contribute to their community. For instance, many towns have gardening clubs that spruce up public spaces. Toddlers can mess around in the dirt or pull up weeds (with supervision), and older kids can plant seeds and bulbs. Another option is to help out at one of the many animal-rescue organizations, or take your kids to visit the elderly at a retirement home.

 10. Check out the stars.

© Child Care Circuit 2004

In light of the cold winter season we are having, here are some ideas for: 

 Curing Cabin Fever Return to Top

 It’s 10:00 a.m. and the children are already bored with their toys.  The weather is still dealing a blow to your spirits, and you’ve spent more hours indoors than you care to admit.  In short, everyone has cabin fever.

But not for long! Here are some suggestions for parents or providers to help overcome the cabin fever blues. 

  GETTING PHYSICAL

These simple games and activities can help create a fun atmosphere while working on your children’s level of physical coordination.

Mary’s and Jim’s Obstacle Course:

Create a personal obstacle course for them by tagging with name cards.

Use pillows or cushions to roll on, tables to crawl under and small easy-to-jump-over objects such as small stuffed animals or a soft doll.  After a few minutes change the game to Follow the Leader.

Toss the Bean Bag: 

Here’s an enjoyable way to test your kid’s ability at tossing a beanbag or other safe object into a wastebasket or box.  You can create a carnival atmosphere by covering the targets with clown faces with mouths that have large enough openings to toss the beanbags through.

PUTTING ON YOUR 

THINKING CAP

House Walk:

The parent takes the children on a tour of the house. In each room he/she has the child name things that are big, small, round, square, red, blue, yellow or green.  Anything the parent knows children can identify will encourage their memory skills while mimicking a game.

Name That Thing:

  Mom or Dad, put several objects in a shoebox or a small paper bag.  The items should have different textures and shapes such as an apple, a block, a piece of yarn, an unsharpened pencil, etc.  If using a shoebox cut a hole large enough for the child’s hand to fit through.  Put one object in the box or bag to see if they can identify it.  If not, they can ask questions about the shape or texture.  Is it round, hard, soft? 

Now You See It – Now You Don’t!:

Mom or Dad, place four objects on a table.  Have your child look carefully at the items and then ask her to turn her back to the table.  Take one object off the table and hide it from view.  See if the child can guess which object was removed.  For positive reinforcement you may give a small reward for each correct answer.

COOKING CLASS

Children are never too young to experience the fun of baking! They can learn to measure and pour while becoming your assistants.

Create-a-Treat: 

Frosted Cone Cakes

Using your favorite cake recipe or mix, follow the directions to make the batter.  Fill ice cream cones with flat bottoms until they are each ¾ full.  Bake the cone cakes in muffin tins at about 350°F for 30 minutes.  Place the cone cakes on a rack until they are cooled.  Frost cone cakes with your favorite home made recipe or prepared canned frosting.  Encourage the kids to exhibit their creativity by decorating the cone cakes.  Use prepared tube icing, colored sprinkles, M&M's, mini chocolate chips or candy bits to make a face or anything else their minds can create..

Surprise Muffins

  Follow the directions of your favorite muffin recipe or mix.  Next, choose one or several of these suggestions:

Fruit or Coconut Muffins:  Add ¾ cup of fruit or coconut to the batter.  Fill muffin cups ¾ full and bake according to directions.

Jam Filled Muffins: Fill the muffin cup half way, then put a teaspoonful of jam in the center, leaving an edge of batter all around.  Add about a teaspoonful of additional batter to completely cover jam.  Bake according to directions.

Fortune Muffins:  Half the fun of this recipe is writing the fortunes to place in the muffins.  This can be accomplished as a group effort or each person can devise his own fortunes.  Write fortunes with ballpoint pen on small pieces of paper.  Fill the muffin cup half way.  Lay the fortune on top so that part of it sticks out.  Add more batter on top of fortune, but don’t fill more than ¾ full.  Bake according to directions or bake 20 – 25 minutes in a 400° F. oven.

PAINTING POWER

If your child loves to paint, let him go wild with a brush.  Grocery bags, wrapping or shelf paper can be turned into usable original placements.  Painted rocks make a colorful rock garden dish.  Painted pinecones can be hung in the child’s room or decorate the front door.  With your help, he can even make a replica of himself.  Have him lay on butcher’s paper while you draw his outline from head to toe.  Let him fill in the outline by painting his favorite t-shirt and jeans on his self-portrait.

____________________________________________________________

© Child Care Circuit 2004

Spring Has Almost Sprung!  Return to Top

   One of the few gifts you can give your charge that won’t break or wear out is the joy in nature.  By encouraging the children to develop respect for and love of nature, helps them to develop attitudes needed to sustain the planet and the human race.  It’s time to take a walk through a snowy field,  stand in the filtered light of a forest or wander on a beach together.  Spring symbolizes new  beginnings and time for returns.

INDOOR ACTIVITIES

    Everyone Joins In: 

Make a chart to be placed in the kitchen (maybe on the refrigerator) with spaces for the first robin, first crocus, first bush to get new leaves, first earthworm, first bud on your favorite tree, etc.  The chart should include Items: Seen by: Date: Where Seen.  Make a column under each heading and leave spaces for the child’s name who spots these items first!

    Especially for Toddlers & Pre-school Children:

On the first day of spring, have a springtime luncheon.  Make a pear face salad.  Place a lettuce leaf on the plate.  Open a can of pear halves, draining the liquid.  On each lettuce leaf, put a pear half face down.  Use raisins for eyes, a mini-carrot for a nose, and an apple slice for the mouth.  Add your charge’s favorite shredded cheese for hair.  Add long hair for a girl and a short do for a boy. Cut a pineapple round in half to make ears for a boy (placing pineapple halves on side of pear head) or a collar on the bottom of the pear for a girl.  Use a small amount of paprika to make rosy cheeks!   Create a peanut butter and jelly sandwich made with Ritz-style crackers.  Serve cracker sandwiches and milk with pear salad.   Enjoy!  Enjoy!

    All Ages:

Work together to start seeds for a vegetable or flower garden.  Plant seeds indoors in starter cups, flats or Styrofoam® cups.  Water and watch the plants grow indoors every day for a month or so.  Then transplant to an outdoor garden when the weather is right.  As you and your charge work, you can talk about the things seeds need to grow and why spring is the time when planting is done.

    Pre-school and School-age Children: 

Make Seed Detective Badges of foil and cardboard and markers.  Tape a safety pin on the back of the badge so it can be pinned onto your charges’ clothing.  Their special assignments as Seed Detectives is to search for and collect seeds from food served over the next few days.  Serve foods such as apples, grapes with seeds, oranges, tomatoes, melons, cucumbers, pomegranates, avocados and beans.  Use a box lid to collect and display the growing collections.  Ask the children if they’d like to plant the collection to see what might happen.  Adding an outdoor dimension to this activity, you can have the children collect seeds outdoors from trees, bushes and dandelions to add to the collection.

  OUTDOORS SPRINGTIME FUN:

    Be a Wild Flower Locator:

Using a field guide from either Random House Publishers or Audubon Society Beginner Guides, you can take your charges for wildflower walks.  Identify what you see, take photographs or draw pictures, but do not pick the wild flowers.  A magnifying glass helps with the details.  Keep a book of what they have seen on these outings.  Include the dates and places where the flowers were seen.

    Be A Bird Watcher: 

By early March, the birds that have spent the winter in other parts of the country should begin arriving.  Even if you live in an urban area, there are many species you can spot passing through your neighborhood during the springtime.  Have your charges use their ears to identify birds by their songs.  Take bird walks, and keep a running record of the birds you see over the years.  Use field glasses for better identification.

    Go Fly A Kite:

Cut out a bird shape from a double layer of tissue paper.  Glue the pieces together and attach a string at the head.  Run in the wind and see what happens.  

    Serve a Seed Lunch: 

Make your own peanut butter by shelling roasted peanuts, removing the skins and placing the peanuts in a blender with ½ Tbsp. corn oil.  Blend on high and spread on bread, apple slices or pieces of celery.  Cook corn or beans to go with your peanut butter.  Point out that they are also seeds.  After lunch take a package of corn and bean seeds to compare to the food just eaten.  Use the seeds to design a spring greeting card or sign for your front door.  Serve toasted sunflower seeds and spoon strawberries or raspberries over the ice cream for dessert.  Find the seeds in the dessert!

Use your imagination and celebrate the rebirth of nature after a

long cold winter!

Tips on Toy Selection Return to Top

Above all, have fun and enjoy being a key contributor to your child's play activities! 

Some useful links to information on Toy Safety: 

U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission

Toy Hazard Recalls

© Child Care Circuit 2002

How to Listen to Your Child

Choosing a Summer Camp Return to Top

Camp is a great place for children to develop positive self-esteem and enhance their social skills while having fun!
Selecting the right camp is often a matter of knowing your options and asking the right questions.

Listed below are specific questions to ask when choosing a camp:
What is the camp’s philosophy and program emphasis?
What is the camp director’s background?
What is the counselor-to-camper ratio? What training does the staff receive on safety, supervision and other issues unique to working with children?
How are behavioral and disciplinary problems handled?
How does the camp handle special needs?
How does the camp handle adjustment and other issues?
If transportation is offered, where is the closest pick-up spot?
If before-and after-camp extended care is offered, who is with the children and what activities take place?
Are lunch, snacks and drinks provided?
If the camp offers swimming, are there swimming lessons or is it recreational swimming?
Are campers in a group with a counselor all day? Or, are campers free to go from one activity to another with appropriate supervision?
Is an open house offered before camp starts where you can meet your child’s counselor and bus driver?
Are parents allowed to drop by for visits?
Is the price all inclusive or are there extra charges for field trips, T-shirts, swimming lessons, food service or etc?

Prior to enrolling your child try to visit the camp grounds. Also, do not be afraid to ask the camp director for references. It is a good way to check on the camp’s reputation and service record.
Your local Child Care Resource and Referral Agency can assist you in locating summer camps in your area.

When is a Reward a Bribe?

A bribe is a bribe. A contracted reward is not a bribe. When you reward a child for doing something he does that is expected and understood, you are rewarding, praising and reinforcing the behavior you want. This is not a bribe; there is nothing wrong with this logical consequences strategy.
When you reward a misbehaving child in order to stop the poor behavior, you are bribing the child. In the bribe situation the child quickly sees that the way to get another reward is to misbehave again.
Contracting rewards good behavior, behavior the child understands and knows that you want. Bribing rewards bad behavior and encourages it to continue.
Parents usually bribe out of desperation; contracting is planned. Contracting is a positive guidance and discipline strategy. Think of it in this simple way: Do the chores well first; then you can have the cookie.

For further information, please call:
Child Care Circuit
800-660-2868 (Beverly office)
877-823-2273 (Lawrence office)

Beating the Winter Blues  Return to Top

KEEP KIDS FREE OF COLDS
You know your children catch colds..lots of them. But do you know why? Here are some tips on what's behind colds and how to keep them away.

- Don't let them share cups. Avoid letting your child share cups..they'll also be sharing germs. Use paper cups whenever you or your child has a cold; germs can hang around on drinking glasses. By tossing paper cups out after each use you can prevent the spread of germs.
- Teach them to use tissues. Teach your child to use tissues whenever sneezing or blowing his nose. This will prevent infection from spreading through the air.
- Enforce hand washing. Soap and water is the best tool for stopping the flow of cold and flu viruses. Show your child how to wash his hands thoroughly and have him do so often throughout the day, especially before meals and after using the bathroom.
- Be vigilant about day-care hygiene. Children in child care are exposed to more viruses. Don't allow your child to share food or utensils with other children.
- Check to make sure that toys are washed regularly.
- Make sure they get enough sleep. Inadequate sleep can take a toll on your child's immune system, leaving him more vulnerable to colds.
- Discourage them from touching their eyes and nose. Most colds and flu are spread by hand contact. By touching a surface that's been touched by an infected person, your child may introduce the virus to his system through the mucous membranes in his eyes or nose.
- Stock up on vitamin C. Feed your kids oranges, grapefruits, potatoes, green peppers, strawberries and pineapple -they're loaded with vitamin C, which can boost their immune system and keep colds away.

HEALTHY TELEVISION HABITS

Most children watch too much TV. Children watch programs that may not be appropriate for their age. Children often watch TV without adult supervision. Too much TV, unsuitable content, and lack of parental guidance can influence a child in negative ways. You can take control of TV. Help your children grow up healthy in the media world and become smart about they watch! Set TV time limits. Watch TV no more than 2 hours per day, including videotapes and games. Turn off the TV during mealtimes, homework or play activities. Encourage children to read books for the same amount of time that they watch TV. Make smart TV choices. Help children plan for how they will spend their TV times each day. Select TV programs appropriate for your child's age and developmental level. Turn off the TV after the program you select is over. Watch TV with your child. Watch TV together and talk to your children about the program. Help children question what they see and hear on TV. Know what your children are watching if you can't watch with them. Be a role model. Watch programs that support your family's values. Monitor how much TV you watch and what you watch when children are around. Watch news and other "adult" programs when young children are not around.

Snow Play The Fun Way!

Whether you are heading to the mountains on vacation or spending time in your back yard, snow play should get some serious attention this winter. Here are a few ideas for quality SNOW TIME.* Snow Cones: For real! Take some fresh snow and create some snowballs. Place the snowballs on sugar cones, top with fruit juice and you have created real snow cones!* Edible Snow Art: You will need some caramel (purchase caramel dipping sauce, melt caramel dipping candies or mix your own), a saucepan, outdoor snow and cold temperatures. Ask an adult to melt the caramel on the stove until the consistency is smooth. While stirring, ask an adult to take the caramel outside. Spoon the caramel on to top of fresh snow in a snowflake pattern (thin, star like drippings). Let cool, lift and eat. Yum!* Snow Painting: Gather some spray bottles and fill with water. Add a couple of drops of food coloring to each bottle. Send the troops out for some snow painting!

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When a Terrorist Act Occurs  Return to Top

When a terrorist act occurs
An act of terrorism can be painfully difficult to understand. Authorities may have no clear answers for days or weeks afterward about how or why the terrorist act occurred or how many people were injured or lost their lives. It's normal to feel overwhelmed by the event. You may feel afraid, unsafe, or at a loss for what to do. You may have trouble concentrating, and feel so consumed by the tragedy that you have trouble focusing on little else. You may feel angry that the event occurred and that "authorities" did nothing to protect you. You may feel helpless. All of these feelings are normal reactions. You may also feel:

- shock
- numbness
- anxiety
- fear
- grief
- sadness and crying

You may have difficulty making decisions or solving everyday problems, and you may feel generally confused. You may even have difficulty sleeping or experience nightmares. These feelings will eventually ease, but it's possible that they may continue for days or weeks. Try to talk about your fears with loved ones or co-workers, and continue to maintain as normal a schedule as possible at work and home.

Finding support
The first and most important step to take after a traumatic event is to seek support from others.

· Spend extra time with people you love and trust. Talk about the event and process what has happened.
· Use company resources to help you through this difficult time. Resources are available to you through your employee assistance program (EAP) or employee resource program. If you do not remember how to contact one of these programs, ask your supervisor or human resources (HR) representative to provide you with the information.
· Avoid using alcohol, prescription, or non-prescription drugs to handle your emotions.
· Try not to compare yourself with others. Everyone is different and reacts differently to traumatic events.
· Give yourself and your family time to react. It's important to maintain as normal a schedule as possible, but at first you will need time to absorb information and come to terms with this frightening and tragic event.

Talking with your child about a terrorist act
Children react to trauma in many of the same ways that adults do. The world may suddenly seem dangerous and unsafe. Your child may feel overwhelmed by intense emotions and not understand how to cope with these feelings. Children may also have difficulty understanding what a terrorist is or why a stranger would want to hurt people. Here is how you can help:

· Help your child talk about the act of terrorism. Let your child know that it's normal to feel worried or upset. Try to listen carefully and understand what your child is saying. Help younger children use words like "angry" and "sad" to express their feelings.
· Reassure your child that events like these are extremely rare. You might say, "This is a really sad time for everyone in our country. Fortunately, events like this are very rare."
· Explain to your child that terrorism is a political act and not one that's aimed at individuals. Reassure your child that your family is safe.
· Stress that you are there to take care of your child. Remember to say, "I love you, I'm here to take care of you."
· When you talk about the event, be honest and share clear, accurate information. Don't diminish the nature of the tragedy or dismiss your child's worries. If your child has any misconceptions, correct false fears and misinformation. If your child knows upsetting details that are true, don't deny them. Instead, listen closely and talk with your child about his fears.
· If your child is old enough to watch the TV coverage, watch the news together. The news reports may be filled with terrifying images and your presence will provide a sense of security. You may want to limit the amount of TV news your child sees. Too much repeated coverage could just heighten your child's anxiety.
· Try to be patient if your child asks the same questions again and again. Let your child talk as often as she needs to about the act of terrorism. Talking about the event with you is a way for your child to gain control of feelings that follow a trauma.
· Talk with your child about your own feelings. Admit that you are saddened by what has happened, and show that you care. But don't burden your child with your fears and worries. Your child will look to you as a model for coping with this trauma.
· Encourage your child to talk with friends and other important people in his life about the event.

Common reactions children may have
The way your child reacts to a traumatic event may depend on her age. Younger children may refuse to attend school while older children may withdraw or argue more with parents.
Here are some common reactions children may have after traumatic events and ways to help your child deal with them:

· Regression. Younger children may wet the bed or want a bottle; older children may fear being alone. Be patient and offer your child extra comfort at this time.
· Fear. Your child may feel afraid that the event is going to happen again. Reassure your child that adults are working to keep everyone safe. Some children may also express their anxiety by reverting to past fears such as fear of the dark, strangers, or animals.
· Sleep disorders. Some children have difficulty falling asleep, others wake frequently or have troubling dreams. If your child is younger, he or she may find comfort from a stuffed animal, soft blanket, or flashlight to take to bed. Try spending extra time together in the evening, doing quiet activities or reading. Be patient. It may take a while before your child can sleep through the night again.
· Feeling helpless. Children may withdraw or even act out aggressively by fighting with parents or siblings as a way of expressing feelings of helplessness and fear. Children may also be very quiet or very agitated.
· Physical ailments. Children may experience stomachaches, headaches, or other physical ailments.

Ways to support your child through a trauma

· Remember that this may be the first time your child is experiencing a traumatic event. Your child may have many feelings -- anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, and sometimes guilt if others have died. Be there to console your child. Assure your child that all of these feelings are normal.
· Your child may feel afraid and upset following the trauma and may no longer feel "normal." She may show her fears by having nightmares, crying, being clingy, or being overly fearful. These behaviors are normal. Try to be loving and understanding. Your child needs extra love and support from you during this difficult period. Tell your child to come to you if he or she is having trouble sleeping, coping, or needs to talk.
· Don't assume that just because your child hasn't said something about the event that she is OK and isn't affected by it. Sometimes, children are confused by a traumatic event, want to avoid talking about it, or are afraid to show their vulnerability. You may need to take the first step and bring up the subject when you and your child have time together.
· Help your child find comforting routines as a way to cope. Don't keep your child home from school, which can be a place of tremendous support for children. Encourage your child to listen to favorite music, do artwork, play basketball, or participate in other normal activities. This is a time to keep routines simple at home.
· Encourage your child to become involved as a way to overcome feelings of helplessness. Being active in a campaign to help victims of the disaster or writing letters to people who have helped or to victims can bring a sense of hope and control to everyone in the family.
· Allow your child to express his or her fears. Younger children may be best able to do this through drawing. Some children may talk to family pets or dolls.
· Temporarily lower expectations of school and home performance. Your child's attention and emotional energy may be focused elsewhere for a few days.
· Encourage your child to talk with other adults about the event. This might be a teacher, school counselor, member of the clergy, or someone else from the community that your child feels close to and trusts.
· Most important of all, try to be there for your child. Give extra attention and support. Be affectionate. Give hugs. Make efforts to spend time together, have meals together, and be together as a family.

Staying strong as a parent
Keep in mind that your own behavior is a powerful example for your child. How your child copes with a traumatic event will depend to some measure on how you cope. Your child is looking to all the adults around him -- parents, teachers, relatives, clergy, and others -- to find positive ways to deal with the event. It's important for you to stay strong so you can support your child.

- Get enough sleep, eat well-balanced meals, and try to stick to regular routines.
- Seek support from others. Because you are also responding to trauma, it is very important to talk to other parents, friends, counselors, and adults. Share your anxieties and frustrations with them. And don't be afraid to ask for help.
- Give yourself time to reflect on what happened.

© 2001 Ceridian Corporation. All rights reserved.

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BALANCING WORK AND FAMILY
10 TIPS ON WALKING THE PARENTING TIGHTROPE  Return to Top

1. Communication is key to easing the day to day stress of balancing work and family. Keep a family diary or start a family bulletin board, where all family members can note issues and events as they arise. Other ways to encourage communication include having a regular family meeting time or keeping a monthly calendar for listing all upcoming events. This visual aid assists in identifying scheduling conflicts before they occur. Use your family meeting to work out solutions and compromises to these conflicts.

2. When you are rushing to complete a task, conduct the "worst case scenario" test by asking yourself, "What is the worst thing that will happen if this doesn't get done right away?" If you can live with the consequence, use that time to play a game with your child or to do something fun for yourself!

3. Ask yourself if you can redefine how a certain task or activity gets done. For example, can the cookies for the school bake sale be store bought rather than homemade?

4. Try to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment. The guilty "good parent" voice may be pressing you to get up early to make pancakes for breakfast, only to learn that your spouse has to rush off early and your three year old all of a sudden hates pancakes!

5. Ask yourself why you are doing a particular task. Is it essential? Is it a matter of safety? Is it something your child or spouse asked for your help with, or is it something you have always done - whether needed or not - something that your mother always did when you were a child?

6. Hold clean-up blitzes once or twice a week where the entire family spends fifteen minutes together tidying up the house and putting things away in their proper places.

7. Give your children specific tasks for which they are responsible, even your preschoolers. Use weekend time to teach them what you expect when they do the task so that your busy weekday mornings and evenings are not spent on this instruction. Having them do tasks as making their beds, clearing the table, learning to dress themselves (including tying shoes), taking care of the pets, etc. will free some of your time.

8. Ask yourself if you consistently assume the role of "answer person" in your household. If this is the case, try to change this pattern by having family members ask for help from your spouse or from an older sibling.

9. Evaluate how the television is used in your home. Can your children begin their homework rather than sitting in front of the TV? How about while you are fixing dinner? This may allow for more time after dinner for family conversation. Sometimes families limit TV strictly to weekends to increase the opportunity for communication during the weekdays.

10. Try to take care of yourself once in a while. See if your spouse or a family member can take the children for a Saturday afternoon, and give you a quiet afternoon to yourself. It is important for yourself and for your family that you to take time to "refuel."

And remember, call the Child Care Circuit "Answers" line for help on parenting issues and for up to date information on child care and family activities resources. It's a free service for Lynnfield, Reading and North Reading parents as part of the Partnership for Children program. Contact us at 1-800-660-2868 or via our web site at www.childcarecircuit.org

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Adjusting to Child Care  Return to Top

by Ellen Galinsky

Q: My three-year-old son started day care for the first time in April. He only cried for about a week when I would leave. Now he will not speak to his teacher or the teacher's assistant except to say that he needs to go to the bathroom. He doesn't even talk to the other children, according to the teacher. The teacher and the assistant have both asked me if he talks at home, which he does -- he talks and sings constantly. I know he is paying attention in school because he sings songs I have not taught him and he speaks about Ms. Nicole, his teacher, often. He is also taking Spanish and he was speaking Spanish over the weekend. He is always in good spirits when we leave the house but I can see him turning into an introvert right in front of my eyes when we enter the school.

A: I would begin by asking yourself a number of questions about his child care experience:

Does he have good feelings in general about his child care? You note that he is in good spirits when you leave home so that's a good sign. You also note that he talks about his teacher and brings home things that he has learned in child care -- these are also good signs.

Is he feeling safe and secure there? It is by forming relationships with the adults, by bonding with them, that your son will feel safe in child care, ready and able to venture out. How are his relationship with Ms. Nicole and the assistant teacher? Do they get down to his level and greet him warmly when he arrives? Do they talk to him, even if he doesn't answer? Do they ask him about what he did the evening before or commenting on the color of the shirt he is wearing? By making a special effort to reach out to him, he will come to feel comfortable.

How are the teachers helping him form relationships with other kids? One of the main jobs of teachers of three-year-old children is to help them connect to other kids. Perhaps one reason is isn't talking is that he feels overwhelmed by the other kids. The teacher can help by setting up small group situations for your son. For example, she could read a story just to your son and another child, or she could set up a water play or play dough station where two or three kids, including your son, could play together.

Are the activities age-appropriate and inviting? You note that your son is "taking" Spanish. The words you use make me wonder whether it is being "taught" in a drill and practice way -- which I would consider inappropriate for a three year old - rather than having a chance to hear Spanish as a part of his everyday activities, sing songs in Spanish, and so forth. Young children learn best through direct experience not through formal instruction. So perhaps the curriculum at this child care program is a bit overwhelming to him and he is coping by shutting down.

Are you worrying too much about introversion because you were shy as a child? You point out that you don't want your child to be an introvert because you were. If you are overreacting to his shyness -- in an ironic way, you may be reinforcing it. It is much better to help your child learn what to do, rather than telling him what not to do. And if you label him ("He's my introverted child."), it can turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy where he comes to define himself by these labels.

There is some evidence that shyness is an inborn characteristic, but parents and teachers can help children become more outgoing. So how do you do that? Here are some suggestions:

Meet with your son's teachers and engage in problem solving. Ask them to describe his behavior at child care. Are there times during the day when he seems most relaxed and happy? Will he sing along to songs? Will he chant back the refrains of a story he's being read? You and his teachers can come up with some plans to help him be more involved and hopefully more verbal in child care.

If your questioning has uncovered a problem area (for example, he isn't getting enough individual attention, or the group is too large, or the activities too pressured), constructively suggest changes. You could say, "I have noticed that he talks more in small groups. Are there times during the day when he could play with kids in smaller groups? Teachers are usually very willing to work with parents to solve classroom issues if they don't feel attacked, but feel supported and appreciated.

Arrange play dates for your son and his classmates. If there is one particular child your son likes, see if you can invite this child to your home. Or you and the child's mother can go on an outing together. See if he talks with this friend when he is away from the child care program. If so, he will be more likely to talk to this child at child care.

Support his venturing out. If he needs you to stay with him when he plays with a friend, do so. Or visit him at the child care program and engage in activities with him that he likes at home. Talking with you in child care is a step toward helping him feel comfortable in talking with others.

Realize that growth is a one step forward, two steps backward process. Your son has made a big step in starting child care. It isn't surprising that he is reacting by regressing.

When I was teaching young children a long time ago, there was a child who, like your son, didn't talk at first. In fact, he put tape over his mouth the first day of school. He didn't talk for a while. But when he began to talk, he had many wonderful things to say. In fact, he is a writer today!